Agh, Humbug
"Agh, Humbug" is the seventeenth episode of Bizaardvark. It premiered on December 11, 2016. Synopsis Bernie gets bummed about not being invited to the Vuuugler-only holiday party, so the gang tries to turn him into an overnight online star so that he can attend, too. Story It's Christmas time at the Vuuugle Studio, and Paige and Frankie are anxious to use their invitations, convinced that the parties have a glowing reputation. As staff members set up supplies for the impending party, Liam arrives and announces that the party will include a toy donation drive, as well as a "Secret Santa", which he renames "Santa", because he's convinced that none of the website owners are good at keeping secrets and will post everything on their minds anyhow. Paige and Frankie find that their "secret" Santas are each other, and get each other the "gift of friendship". Amelia finds out that her secret Santa is herself, and re-gifts an earlier five-pack lipstick case. Dirk finds out that his "secret" Santa is Horse Face Guy, and has no idea what kind of a gift to get him. Bernie on the other hand finds out he's not invited to the party, simply because he's not a Vuuugler. The tween-agent tries to negotiate with Liam for an invitation, but he refuses to budge. Paige and Frankie find out that Bernie wasn't invited to the party, after overhearing him on an emotional tirade in the bathroom, which he tries to deny. Bernie tells his two clients that he's spending his Hanukkah at his grandmother's house and will replace another kid as "head of the kids table". The former "head" was a cousin named Trent who everybody thought was cool because his clothes had more zippers, but wound up in a boarding school. Meanwhile, Dirk is lamenting over his inability to decide what kind of a gift to get Horse-Face Guy. Amelia recommends trying to get to know him. Just then the man in the horse mask himself, arrives nearby and places a small dog crate on a table. They originally assume he's a dog lover, until he removes a small accordion from the crate, uses it to squeeze the juice out of an orange into a glass and pirouettes onto the un-juiced fruit. As part of their effort to help sneak Bernie into the party, Paige and Frankie recruit real life YouTube baking star Rosanna Pansino. Bernie lusts after her immediately, but when he blurts out the phrase "panorama Ding-Dong", she assumes he smelled one of her pastries. Rosanna's original plan is to bake a large cake for him to hide in that they can bring to the party. Bernie has an alternate plan which is not as good; it involves eating excessive amounts of cookies, gaining 50 pounds, and trying to impersonate Santa Claus. One of Liam's robots arrives in Rosanna's studio to check on the pastries planned for the party and sees the cookies she bakes. Liam notices that some of them are a series of cookies that are his own self-portrait, all of which contain his frowning face, and he approves of her work. Just then, he reveals that he's aware of their plot to sneak Bernie into the party, even noticing Rosanna's poster of the scheme on her wall. Paige and Frankie threaten to quit Vuuugle if the don't let him come, and he almost accepts their resignation. After trying to "reboot him", which gets them absolutely nowhere, Liam reveals that the only way he could get into the party is for him to make his own video channel and gain 10,000 subscribers like the rest of the Vuuuglers. Bernie decides that's just what they're going to do, and the other three girls volunteer to help him. At first, Bernie's channel tries to act as a tutorial for working out, but his grandmother walks in during the shooting of the video while she's working out. After the video, the rest of his friends tell him he has negative 3 hits. Later, he changes the format to a prank-related channel, and tries to throw itching powder onto the Bagpipe Ninja while he's sleeping on a couch, but he sneezes which causes it to explode in his face. Later he reformats it into a gaming channel, where he plays a farm-related video game, and while he's setting up his avatar, he gets attacked by a murder of crows, a feature that doesn't even exist within the game. He then converts it into a meditation channel narrated by Amelia, but he spends most of his time squirming on the floor in pain from the itching powder prank disaster. In the Dare Lair, Dirk paints a birdhouse for Horse-Face Guy, but smashes it in frustration much to the shock of Amelia. Dirk is uncertain that the house would be the right gift, and doesn't believe a single item in his lair would be a worthy gift, including the plastic talking fish that specifically shouts "Horse-Face Guy." Amelia suggests a gift card, which he misinterprets as a gesture indicating that he intends to get involved in a gay marriage to him. Later, Rosanna Pansino approaches him dressed in a Santa Claus outfit. Seeing that he's depressed he offers him a batch of her "Holiday Ho-Hums" then gives him the opportunity to assist her in a baking project for one of her videos after her regular assistant cancelled. Reluctantly, this involves having him dress as an elf and making candy cane cookies. When he finds he can't even open the wrapping on a candy cane, he explodes with anger and starts trashing the studio, revealing every embarrassing aspect of his life that keeps him from enjoying life itself. Paige, Frankie, Amelia, and Dirk tell Bernie that his online rampage brought him well over 10,000 subscribers. Liam finds out about his success, and while repulsed about the outcome, he uses one of his robots to print the invitation. Noticing he's not as excited as they would expect, he reveals that he had spent the previous night replying to snide comments about his freak-out, and telling off his critics. As a result, his subscription level goes down to 9,000, causing Liam to cancel and shred his invitation with the same robot that printed it. The four other Vuuuglers threaten to forgo the party, but Bernie insists that they should all go, in spite of his absence. At the Schotz's apartment, Bernie tries to exert his dominance at the kids table, but one of the kids asks him about the missing Trent. Just then, Bernie's grandmother invites him to the adult table, when he finds out his Aunt Doris is flirting with Fire Chief Pulaski, and needs him as a distraction. Before leaving, he tells the rest of the kids at his table off, believing that he'll get the respect he deserves. Unfortunately, all he ends up getting are insults from the local Los Angeles Fire Chief. The Vuuugle Holiday Party seems to be everything it's cracked up to be, but Paige and Frankie are having a hard time enjoying themselves, because they're both miserable about leaving Bernie behind. Too many aspects of the party also remind them of him. Later, Amelia and Dirk approach them and Dirk reveals he's equally depressed about the absence of Bernie. All the while, Rosanna approaches the group at random moments telling them about minor incidents at the party ranging from food, to a clogged toilet, all of which make them more depressed about not having Bernie. The last straw comes when Liam's robot goes on stage and makes a speech, about the relationship between the holidays and family sentiment... every repeated word serving as a dagger in the heart for the normally fun-loving young Vuuuglers. Meanwhile, Bernie continues to endure the insults from Fire Chief Pulaski who talks about how he likes Bernie's cousin Trent better than him. Suddenly the door on the back porch is obstructed by his friends from Vuuugle who sing an unrehearsed rewritten Christmas carol dedicated to him to the tune of "Silent Night". When he invites them in, he thanks them for coming, but finds it hard to believe they would've left the party. Frankie and Dirk reveal that they actually brought the party to the Schotz household. Even Rosanna Pansino arrives with a freshly baked batch of "Hanukkah Homina-Hominas". Dirk reveals that he found out what to get Horse Face Guy - a reunion with his father, who for the record, wears no mask and speaks. Liam even arrives, and half-heartedly apologizes to Bernie.The two girls ask Bernie about his time at the kids table, and he reveals that he was moved to the adult table, and found it to be a let down. This memento gives Paige and idea for a new music video, and the scene is flashed forward to the video for "Kids Table". After the video, the scene returns to the present, where Grandma Schotz takes her frustration of losing Fire Chief Pulaski to "Aunt Doris" out on the person wearing the snowman costume. After nine rounds with the snowman, he/she surprises her with an near upper cut that send her into the arms of Horse-Face Guy's father. The two of them immediately start to fall for one another, and much to the shock and horror of Dirk and Bernie, they realize that if she marries him Horse Face Guy could actually wind up becoming his father! Category:Television episodes Category:Bizaardvark episodes Category:Christmas productions